Leeds Lardies at the Fat Bloke Sevens 2004

Pictures copyright and courtesy of Prawn Cocktail and Rugby Widow

RtR (Lardies scrum-half) reviews the 2004 tournament

It was half five in the morning last saturday, when Mrs the Rhino nudged me awake and reminded me…..’Time to be a warrior dear’. Yes, even at such an early hour, my wife is capable of stunning sarcasm.

Thus the day started, the day when 10 weeks of careful training and preparation were to be put to the test. It was time again for the Fat Bloke Sevens, and much like Sir Clives Lions will be next year, this was the best prepared Lardies side to leave Leeds since the inaugural event last year. Would the investment in the Dan Luger training guide pay off?

10 am in the morning, and the squad, including a travelling support larger than the Tykes often get, began to descend upon Abbey Rugby club. The venue is situated just north of Reading, and definitely south of Wakefield. The first thing that your author noted was that the damp and miserable summer experienced up north appeared to have been considerably less damp down south – the pitches were straw coloured, and hard.

"Does it take a stud?" questioned a nervous Lardy. Alas no. The pitch was hard and unforgiving. One clever Lardy had purchased knee pads, the rest were to sustain some lovely skin burns over the course of the coming day. Tents were duly erected whilst most teams mucked in together.

The new Lardies strip was also unveiled, and rather fetching it is too , we certainly looked the part, but how did the rugby go?

First game up for the Lardies was Thames Valley Tubbies. Captain Timofe mixed the team up, an interesting blend of the old, the slow, the unskilled, and one or two actual rugby players. The opposition had obviously heard of the Lardy reputation, and didn’t show. Hurrah, a win on the board, and no sweat broken. Elation, however, soon turned to despair. Only two sides had actually turned up in our group, and we were one of them. This meant that we would finish at least second in the group, we could not defend the coveted Arse trophy for the truly fat teams, and would end up in the top competitions, along with the real rugby sides.

Nevertheless, the thought of only one qualifying game was soon remedied – we would play the other side, the Yaks, twice, and an aggregate would decide who went into which semi finals. Remarkably, the Lardies were victorious in both ties, and actually played some rather good rugby in the process. We played some ‘ball skill challenged’ stuff as well, but we ran out deserved group winners, and went into the semi finals of the competition. Lardy-power was looking impressive indeed.

Our competition in the semi were the Fat Cats, who we beat in last years Arse semi-finals. However, this year was to be different, as the Fat Cats were actually East Grinstead Rugby Club, and this year had a couple of kiwis in their ranks. And have you ever seen a Kiwi not take rugby deadly seriously, a cross between a religion and war?

It was a fierce and ill tempered encounter, in which some of the Lardies were forced to engage in a full and frank exchanges of views with our opponents, regarding some the Fat Cats less legal tactics. At one try a piece, we were in it, but alas, it was to be a game too far, and the Cats ran out winners, not only of that game, but Tournament FAQ as a whole.

So, the Lardies were to return, trophyless, but finished a creditable joint third, a big improvement on last year. After that, a couple of Lardies made guest appearances for the Yaks, who reached the Arse final, but were again to be denied. Later still, it was a quiet social pint, and early to bed... or maybe not. Just remember, what goes on tour, stays on tour.

There are once again a number of thanks to be made, and the cast of recipients is long and deserving. So, thanks go to

Leeds Rugby for their loan of training facilities at Chandos

Eek-the-Weeble and friends, you did yourselves proud once again

The (excellent) hosts Abbey Rugby club

The Lardies themselves

The Lardies supporters

And finally, the makers of Ibuprofen, without whom the following day would have been a lot more painful than it actually was.

So, a cracking day out, the spirit of rugby continues to live and thrive. It is also a pleasure to note that the Fat Bloke Sevens will again take place at Abbey next year, 23rd July 2005. Don't miss out again! Get yourself down there to play or cheer, and certainly to party!